Marriage Jokesters Gifts

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'They were all out of roses.'

Consenting Adults.

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"You call that worrying?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'