Marital Jokester Gifts

'Okay, I apologise, but I'm still right!'

'My wife's made you homeless!'

"Nope, haven't seen him."

"You never listen to a word I think."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'Go on then, leave, I don't care. I knew when we got married you was a nutcase...'

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"Do you Dennis, promise to love, honour and pay child support?.."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'They were all out of roses.'

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Consenting Adults.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"