Marital Jokester Pillows

'Okay, I apologise, but I'm still right!'

'My wife's made you homeless!'

"Nope, haven't seen him."

"You never listen to a word I think."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'Go on then, leave, I don't care. I knew when we got married you was a nutcase...'

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"Do you Dennis, promise to love, honour and pay child support?.."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'They were all out of roses.'

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

Consenting Adults.

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."