Married Jokester Pillows

'Turn over, Zorro!'

"I booked a cruise for your birthday. I'll call you when I get to Aruba."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'They were all out of roses.'

"Pretty impressive for a product of a 3-D printer."

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Speech-bubble-head-boy loves think-bubble-head-girl.

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'When I said that I'd 'give you a ring', I meant on the phone. . .'

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'