Marital Jokesters Pillows

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

Consenting Adults.

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"You call that worrying?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'