Married Jokesters Pillows

In my will, I leave my credit cards to my wife.

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

Consenting Adults.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

'Why Walter!! Are you getting fresh?!!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

Increase Your Height.

"It's cardio day for me and external-obliques day for Joan."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'