Couple Jokesters Pillows

"Stop complaining...now when you wander off in the store, I can find you!"

'And then when we finally got the dead-wood out of our marriage, the roof fell in.'

"No father, when I say the man upstairs is angry, I mean my husband."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

Consenting Adults.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Maybe we'd kiss better if we had lips."

'Why Walter!! Are you getting fresh?!!'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'