Joyful Jokesters Pillows

'Honey, can you put the cat out...!'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Men dancing

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Lesbians for Christ

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Robot porn.