Playful Jokesters Pillows

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Lesbians for Christ

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'