Ironic Jokesters Pillows

Night Deposit.

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."