Satirical Jokester Pillows

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Leaving cards.

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Tender and Juicy.'

"No matter who I vote for, Tia Carmen always votes for the other guy. That means my candidate gets two votes!"

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Interrupted Shower.

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.