Satirical Jokester Pillows

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Leaving cards.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Tender and Juicy.'

Interrupted Shower.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

"No matter who I vote for, Tia Carmen always votes for the other guy. That means my candidate gets two votes!"

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'