Practical Jokesters Pillows

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"You idiots … we lost!"

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'