Marital Jokesters Gifts

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

Consenting Adults.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"You call that worrying?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"