Marriage Jokers Pillows

'I'm sorry, but I just think our lifelong friendship was built on being next to each other alphabetically, and now that I've married, well...'

"You wish we were rich? Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me that thirty years ago?"

"'Member when you said if you ever get to wearin' your pants hiked up to your neck to run you over with the car? . . . Keys, please."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Due to a technical fault I shall not be making love this evening."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

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"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Why Walter!! Are you getting fresh?!!'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"I admire your devotion to duty."

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"