Nuptial Jokester Pillows

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

"Actually, it's customary to say 'I do' to the groom, rather than text it."

"It's cardio day for me and external-obliques day for Joan."

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

''Love, honor, and obey'? -- I had something less structured in mind.'

"For better or for worse, from pre-nuptial contract to no-fault divorce..."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'

In my will, I leave my credit cards to my wife.

'One is the videographer and the other is my lawyer.'

"...and after the first year, it's only a month to month commitment."

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'Darling...our first audit!'

'Do you promise to love,honor and cherish -- until one of you decides to become a 'free agent'?'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'