Nuptial Jokester T-Shirts

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

"It's cardio day for me and external-obliques day for Joan."

"Actually, it's customary to say 'I do' to the groom, rather than text it."

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

''Love, honor, and obey'? -- I had something less structured in mind.'

"I now pronounce you guilty."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

"For better or for worse, from pre-nuptial contract to no-fault divorce..."

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'Darling...our first audit!'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'One is the videographer and the other is my lawyer.'

"...and after the first year, it's only a month to month commitment."

'Do you promise to love,honor and cherish -- until one of you decides to become a 'free agent'?'

In my will, I leave my credit cards to my wife.