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Cook, Clean and Mop

'He Will!'

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"Okay, you've got what you want - can you release your grip on my goolies now?"

"Gee, I don't know -- You drive a hard bargain."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

The Aisle

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'