Couple Jokester Gifts

"It's cardio day for me and external-obliques day for Joan."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wind Tunnel of Love.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'They were all out of roses.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Consenting Adults.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."