Wedding Joke Enthusiast Gifts

"Do you, Thomas, promise to pay attention for the first year and phone it in for the rest of your life?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

When Female Leopards Marry.

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

"To begin with, he ate most of the wedding cake..."

Just married.

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

"Man, I hate it when she sneaks up on me like that."

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

Trouble Ahead

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"