Wedding Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'...and I promise to love, honor, and take this man for granted until death do we part.'

'We are gathered here to join the couple in matrimony. Possible side effects include depression, migraine, chronic fatigue...'

'And do you, Peter, promise to eat only fresh, natural foods, forsaking all sugars, junk foods and additives?'

"...I do, providing he washes dishes...irons...hoovers...dusts and polishes..."

'Technically, I do.'

'Because it's a wedding program. It's not supposed to list everyone's height and weight.'

Groom flying away from his bride

'Carry mother in first.'

'And do you, Peter, promise to eat only fresh, natural foods, forsaking all sugars, junk foods and additives?'

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

"Sex, good lord! But everyone told me you were only marrying me for my money!"

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'On second thought, let's just be friends.'

"And from hereon, do you agree to make you own packed lunch in the morning..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Objection overruled."

Seven brides for seven guys who lost their jobs and went back to live with their parents.

'This 'love, honor, and cherish' stuff is great, but could you add something about him getting a job?'

"If you think I'm going to love, cherish and obey this little runt, you must be dafter than you look"

'Yeah, yeah, could we move on, please? I already read him his rights.'

'I understand each candle represents one of the groom's former marriages.'

'...Then the Minister says...'

Jilted bride.

"Watch out for Hector. He doesn't throw rice, he throws battery acid."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens.'

Pigeons poo on newly-weds.

'Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to take a 'smoking break' half way through the service.'

'Any objections to this marriage should text me now or forever hold his tweet.'

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder."

"Uh, what do you mean, 'winner take all'?"

Em"And do you, Gloria, take Norman to be your emergency contact person?"

"...I'll say she's pushy. This is only our first date!"

"Sorry, I've just remembered, I'm married already."

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."