Wedding Humor Appreciator Gifts

'Do you promise to love her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until one day she decides to bite off your head and eat you.'

Customer sees sign on Bridal Shop window: Closed while I'm getting a divorce.

'Look, just take 'no' for an answer.'

"Imagine, if you will, being trapped but you're trying to make the best of it."

"To Sarah and her anxiety! Together forever!"

'If someone objects to this union, tweet now or forever hold your peace...'

'We're gathered here today to unite Tiffany and Edward at the crotch.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Try Mediation

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'He does.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

The Aisle