Wedding Humor Aficionado Gifts

Hen do!

'Yes, it was romantic of you to carry me over the threshold. But, couldn't you have made sure that the drawbridge was down first?!'

The plot thickens...

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

"For me it was bad luck to see the bride after the wedding."

'Mom, dad - this is the guy I want to spend my life with until the butcher will separate us.'

"If anyone has just cause, why Howard and his Palm Pilot should not be lawfully wed..."

'Is the divorce pool still open?'

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"...And will you run over each other with cars and trucks and smash each other against walls in good times and in bad times?"

"Don't be too disappointed, you're not the first girl who thought they could change a guy after they were married."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'He does.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."