Wedding Day Joker Gifts

"Sure he's still Mr. Right, Beth? Up there in that Bluejays cap?"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

"A little under done?"

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Those aren't sprinkles! they're FLEAS!!!! 'I made it from scratch.'

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

"You idiots … we lost!"

I'm sorry, miss. "No substitutions" also applies to your choice of a dining companion. Menu.

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'I said it's our wedding day you idiot!'

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

Baggage Reclaim

'Do you think they'll feed us something special for Christmas dinner?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

Great coaching is about knowing how to give and when to play feedback...

'Cards don't send greetings, people send greetings.'

Lost a sandal?

A man staying afloat on an anchor at sea.

I don't really wake up until he yells coffee-doodle-doo.

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

They call me the Groundhog of Love. Romantically speaking, I can bring you an early spring. But if you see my shadow, you can expect six weeks of stalking.

"I just saw my wife here, so I'd like some reassurance this is actually Heaven."

Do you really have to do that every time you make a good call? If refs acted like players.

Happy Birthday (bees' nest pinata).