Wedding Anniversary Joker Gifts

"I just saw my wife here, so I'd like some reassurance this is actually Heaven."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

"A little under done?"

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"It makes you look old."

'Those aren't sprinkles! they're FLEAS!!!! 'I made it from scratch.'

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

I'm sorry, miss. "No substitutions" also applies to your choice of a dining companion. Menu.

"We're celebrating our 25th anniversary, so separate checks."

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

"This is where the party budget ran out."

'You remembered our anniversary!'

'Cards don't send greetings, people send greetings.'

"Sure he's still Mr. Right, Beth? Up there in that Bluejays cap?"

'This is the 1927 Georges de Latour you bought us for our anniversary, son. Mom spruced it up nicely with orange soda and melon balls.'

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

They call me the Groundhog of Love. Romantically speaking, I can bring you an early spring. But if you see my shadow, you can expect six weeks of stalking.

All You Can Eat: Senior Special

Happy Birthday (bees' nest pinata).

Cats celebrating birthday, cake is shaped like mouse

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

"Can I bring my Wife?"

Happy Hatchday, Sir

"Take no notice. It's just Norman being sarcastic again."

'...gone! The remains of the iceberg that sank the Titanic, to...'

Uncle Mort, I've been at this cafe for 20 years. It's my anniversary. So you're still employed? Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course you know tha … No thanks to greedy corporate interests! They've moved jobs and cash offshore, avoided paying taxes, spurred public policy that destroys the middle class! My anniversary gift: Your spit. I yell because I care.

'Where's my chicken?.'

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

'Of course I remembered. What is the traditional gift for a 25th wedding anniversary - steak or lobster?'