Nuptial Joker Gifts

'Cool! Multiple choice.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

'Your wife's on line three. And she's asked for the speaker phone to be put on full volume.'

"Actually, it's customary to say 'I do' to the groom, rather than text it."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

''Love, honor, and obey'? -- I had something less structured in mind.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

"I just saw my wife here, so I'd like some reassurance this is actually Heaven."

'Do you promise to love,honor and cherish -- until one of you decides to become a 'free agent'?'

'My marriage is at the stage where we may re-model the kitchen - again!'

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"Sure he's still Mr. Right, Beth? Up there in that Bluejays cap?"

"That's it for assets. For liabilities, I suppose I should start with her."

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

'One is the videographer and the other is my lawyer.'

'I do. Just don't let it go to your head.'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'If we bundle the money that goes to your first wife's alimony, plus the deposits you keep making into the new wife's bank account....it's easy to see where your money goes!'