Nuptial Joker Pillows

'Cool! Multiple choice.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

'Your wife's on line three. And she's asked for the speaker phone to be put on full volume.'

"Actually, it's customary to say 'I do' to the groom, rather than text it."

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

''Love, honor, and obey'? -- I had something less structured in mind.'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

Vicar tells bride, 'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'Do you promise to love,honor and cherish -- until one of you decides to become a 'free agent'?'

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'My marriage is at the stage where we may re-model the kitchen - again!'

'One is the videographer and the other is my lawyer.'

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

'I do. Just don't let it go to your head.'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'If we bundle the money that goes to your first wife's alimony, plus the deposits you keep making into the new wife's bank account....it's easy to see where your money goes!'

"Can I bring my Wife?"