Match Day Joker Gifts

"So a 'brilliant cross' is when the ball happens to plonk on a bloke's bonce and go in, is it?"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Your shoe's untied.'

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

Tennis ball girl.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

'But Mum, I've got a match after school...'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

The Rugby Throw Up.

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

'If it's a game of two halves, how come you're on your third pint?'

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

"You idiots … we lost!"

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

'Remember it's YOUR benefit game-go out and foul whoever you like!'

Bowled out.

"Sure he's still Mr. Right, Beth? Up there in that Bluejays cap?"

GOOOOAAAAAL!

Do you really have to do that every time you make a good call? If refs acted like players.

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

'I don't think you are going to see the end of this match with that 4-4-2 formation.'

I don't really wake up until he yells coffee-doodle-doo.

"Buona Sera, Mrs. Johnson! You ordered two pizzas. That's £18!"

A typical Newcastle fan.

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

Football players walk onto the pitch holding childrens' hands, who are holding rag dolls.

'Early evening kick-off for the Gunners, is it, Henderson?'

'Goodness me referee one really must question your visual acuity.'

'Simkins, I want a word with you lad...'