Friendly Match Joker Gifts

'Remember it's YOUR benefit game-go out and foul whoever you like!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Tension filled the tent.

Banana Split...

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'How about a game of cards?'

Joust Sharpener

Get crazy once in a while

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

Jogging Bottoms

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'The grudge match.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

An Archeologic Dig

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

Adult Absence Notes.

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'