Friendly Match Joker Pillows

'Remember it's YOUR benefit game-go out and foul whoever you like!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Banana Split...

Tension filled the tent.

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'How about a game of cards?'

Joust Sharpener

Get crazy once in a while

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

Jogging Bottoms

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'The grudge match.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

An Archeologic Dig

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

Adult Absence Notes.

"You idiots … we lost!"

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'