Rivalry Joker Pillows

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Joust Sharpener

Get crazy once in a while

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Man...You age great!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

'George, stop playing with the children.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'What do you mean you can't find the key?'

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

Toilet humour

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

No infrastructure problem here

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

Shenanigans at the Leper Colony.

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

"Now go home and forget about your amnesia..."