Comic Book Rivalry Pillows

"Too Marvel?"

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

'Man...You age great!'

The Sculptor

"The test results show its frostbite!"

Yesterday I had an argument with the janitor of my building, and then last night I dreamed that he was chasing me with a large ball-peen hammer

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'Okay, you wanted to eat some pickled gherkins... and what happened then?!'

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

Loser's Podium.

'It's not that I don't appreciate the work you do for us, it's just that nobody does.'

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

Wonder Woman: "Trapped in a Man's World"

"Well, this is pretty embarrassing."

'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

How to injury yourself as an adult

I can't believe that when I was young I thought "tax man" must be some sort of superhero!

'Darling, I told you not to call me at work.'

'Why do you always get to be the tanks?'

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

'We're doing so well together: What do you think of me becoming monogamous?'

"Stupid h*." "Dumb b***h."

"The day had not started well... he had woken too grumpy to even complain."

Catfish.

"They're a very forward thinking couple. He gathers and she hunts."

Lenny, the Fifth Wheel of the Apocalypse

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

The Bright Side

There are no such things as mountain ghosts.

"Do you ever worry about the growing gap between the sane and you?"

'Ah, I thought I heard the patter of tiny feet.'

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"He came highly recommended – then again, it was a jury recommendation."