Relationship Joker Pillows

'We get along so much better after I disabled the 'Comments' function of our relationship!'

"Oh Sarah, You bring out the child in me"

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"Why do women close their eyes during sex?"

'Yeah... It's a wedding ring... I wear it on the wrong finger because I'm married to the wrong man.'

'Please forgive me. I can't help myself. I don't believe in free will.'

'My wife played doctor with me last night. She said she wouldn't see me without a referral.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Are you looking forward to getting married?'

'I'm not a stranger in town. I'm your wife.'

'Will this be a never-ending romance, David?'

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder."

"....After 'So long as we both do live', we'd like to ass 'or we get fed up with each other'."

"I thought you said bring your significant mother."

"I've known lots of non-intellectual men, but Arthur is actually anti-intellectual."

"Husbands who come home early kill people."

"But I thought you said you wanted more excitement in the bedroom."

"I'll probably beat you to death. Not with a hammer, I meant I'll die first."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

"I have an idea! Next time I'll be on top."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"If I weren't so fond of you, I'd probably be really fond of someone else."

"I'm looking for something that says I have a headache."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Two minute warning..."

"Honey, I'm home."

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

Christmas wish

"You'll do anything to get out of taking out the garbage."

"Ooops.....I don't suppose your girlfriend would consider changing the spelling of her name?"

'If you're bored let's try bondage.' - 'Great idea, I'll tie you up, then run off and find someone else.'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

'My husband was recently admitted. Can you direct me to the hypochondria department?'