Affectionate Joker Pillows

'I'm not ashamed to be married to you, but if the other geeks saw I married a beautiful woman, I'd lose my geek status.'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."