Affectionate Joker Pillows

'I'm not ashamed to be married to you, but if the other geeks saw I married a beautiful woman, I'd lose my geek status.'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Batman's Baby

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

Adult Absence Notes.

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"