Sentimental Joker Pillows

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Eucharist

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

Adult Absence Notes.

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

'The response is 'I do.' Not 'Whatever she says.''

"That's the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'