Sentimental Joker Pillows

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

Valentine's Day Cards. Do you have one somewhere between affection and commitment?

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Batman's Baby

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

Eucharist

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

Minority Report Is Real

Adult Absence Notes.

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'