Pious Joker Pillows

How To Saint . . .

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Batman's Baby

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Eucharist

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Jesus falling over a wave.

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

Bishop playing pool, "I like his unholier than thou attitude."

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

Grandad and grandson sticking out their tongues.

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

'This milk smells funny.'

Valentine Comix

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.