Witty Joker Pillows

Valentine Comix

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Santa's Helpers

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

"See how it feels"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Leaving cards.

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

Knights of the iPhone

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'