Cheerful Joker Pillows

'Alice, you ... you haven't changed a bit!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Santa's Helpers

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

"One more question, Mr Cake. How do you feel about wearing a sheet, creeping about people's bedrooms and saying 'woo'?"

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

Adult Absence Notes.

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.