Wholesome Joker Pillows

'If you grow up to be half the man your father is, that will be plenty.'

'Alcohol's a bit expensive love - better make that 12 cranberry smoothies and 12 strawberry and banana chasers.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Santa's Helpers

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

"One more question, Mr Cake. How do you feel about wearing a sheet, creeping about people's bedrooms and saying 'woo'?"

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

Adult Absence Notes.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

Jesus falling over a wave.

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

'This milk smells funny.'

Valentine Comix

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.