Wholesome Joker Gifts

'If you grow up to be half the man your father is, that will be plenty.'

'Alcohol's a bit expensive love - better make that 12 cranberry smoothies and 12 strawberry and banana chasers.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Batman's Baby

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Santa's Helpers

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"One more question, Mr Cake. How do you feel about wearing a sheet, creeping about people's bedrooms and saying 'woo'?"

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

Adult Absence Notes.

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Jesus falling over a wave.

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

Valentine Comix