Witty Joker Gifts

Valentine Comix

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Batman's Baby

Santa's Helpers

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"See how it feels"

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

Leaving cards.

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

Adult Absence Notes.

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

Knights of the iPhone

"Here he comes! Don't move."

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'