Angelic Joker Pillows

"I don't care what the song says! You could kill somebody throwing pennies down there like that!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Damn defibrillators.

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

Eucharist

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"They seem to be most concerned with what shape it is."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'I've never felt so alive...'

"I can't hit a bad note to save my soul!"

Cosmic Weekly - New Galaxy Discovered! Alf Centauri.

Devil Puppeteer

St Peter at gates of Heaven tells thuggish looking man: 'You're in the wrong place, alright. Let me guess: sat nav?'

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

First Church: Today's Sermon - Sinners Looking At Their Smartphones Instead of Listening To The Sermon Will Go Straight To Hell.

"I get great reception this way."

Saint Joseph and his aspirin

"No, of course you can't appeal the decision. We don't have any lawyers up here."

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

"Flip you for the top bunk."

"I can't tell from this far away, but he's either enlightened or dead."

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

Ass-tronauts.

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'