Angelic Jokester Pillows

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

"My obit."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

'You've been stealing again, haven't you?'

'The flight controllers are on strike...'

Heaven Self-Checkout

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Clown God

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

An amplified harp

"You think it's tough down there?"

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"So much for eternal rest."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

Late Night TV

"29 degrees in Scorpio? What's that in Fahrenheit?"

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."