Angelic Devil Joker Pillows

"Flip you for the top bunk."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Damn defibrillators.

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

"He's always been an optimist."

Eucharist

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"They seem to be most concerned with what shape it is."

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

Cosmic Weekly - New Galaxy Discovered! Alf Centauri.

Devil Puppeteer

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

First Church: Today's Sermon - Sinners Looking At Their Smartphones Instead of Listening To The Sermon Will Go Straight To Hell.

'When is break time around here?'

"I can't tell from this far away, but he's either enlightened or dead."

"No, of course you can't appeal the decision. We don't have any lawyers up here."

Saint Joseph and his aspirin

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

"He's my best friend – 74, bald, looks like a fat Sid Caesar."

'The vicar's sermon is running late again!'

Ass-tronauts.

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"I'm not a fallen angel, precisely, but I have had a few stumbles."

"File for an extension. . . Actually, that's a good idea."