Eternal Joker Pillows

"It's just not the same at a funeral is it?"

"Three guesses."

"Is it my imagination, Moira, or has the clock stopped ticking?"

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'Your teacher doesn't mind a little clowning around in class, Eddie, but she thinks you overdo it.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"He's always been an optimist."

Jesus falling over a wave.

Hiker's right of way.

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

'Bloomin Hippies!'

"It is the complete works of shakespeare alright but the pig's claiming he wrote them."

'I've never felt so alive...'

"Ha ha, I guess my photo on the dating site may have been a little misleading."

Cosmic Weekly - New Galaxy Discovered! Alf Centauri.

"Well, did it work?"

"I'm on the internet, dad...I am trolling!"

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

"Then it's agreed. Watson, Smith, Teller, and Wilson go to Heaven; Jones, Paducci, and Horner go to Hell; and Fenton and Miller go to arbitration."

'When is break time around here?'

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

'No, it only has a driver-side airbag.'

When I was young I worked at being hip, now I hope my hip keeps working.

Ass-tronauts.

Grandpa was proud of the effect his signature stolen nose trick was having on the young crowd. It wasn't until later that anyone explained to him how Dylan had lost his real nose in a horrible sledging accident.

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

"Flip you for the top bunk."