Universal Joker Pillows

'Where did you say your foreign exchange student was from?'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

Fittd shēt

Get crazy once in a while

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

Pole Star

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Prisoner still life painting.

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"See how it feels"

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

Ecotourism.

Vacation Mobile

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

Climbing to the moon

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

'Just give me the computer password, Marie. I won't put any more embarrassing pictures of you on Facebook.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'