Eternal Joker Prints

"It's just not the same at a funeral is it?"

"Three guesses."

"Is it my imagination, Moira, or has the clock stopped ticking?"

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'Your teacher doesn't mind a little clowning around in class, Eddie, but she thinks you overdo it.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"He's always been an optimist."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

Hiker's right of way.

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

Jesus falling over a wave.

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

'Bloomin Hippies!'

'I've never felt so alive...'

Cosmic Weekly - New Galaxy Discovered! Alf Centauri.

"Ha ha, I guess my photo on the dating site may have been a little misleading."

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

"I'm on the internet, dad...I am trolling!"

"Well, did it work?"

"Then it's agreed. Watson, Smith, Teller, and Wilson go to Heaven; Jones, Paducci, and Horner go to Hell; and Fenton and Miller go to arbitration."

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

"Thy will be one, but also, I have some notes."

Grandpa was proud of the effect his signature stolen nose trick was having on the young crowd. It wasn't until later that anyone explained to him how Dylan had lost his real nose in a horrible sledging accident.

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

Ass-tronauts.

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

"Flip you for the top bunk."

'No, it only has a driver-side airbag.'

'What I really wanted was to get drunk on power.'