Elemental Joker Prints

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'You know too much,'

Good News about winter

Fish hunting for men.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'I love cutting trees in perfect circles because it drives aerial photography interpreters crazy.'

Candid Camera store.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Shoes Make The Man

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

Caution May Contain Nuts.

While You Were Out: We Moved!

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Sharks hate practical jokes.

"Uh-oh. We better stop using the fax machine."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"I keep having these funny moods, doctor."

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Finally there is the right product for real men!"

"Well, you said your glasses needed cleaning!"

'I tell them it's for a patient in the next room and they don't complain about their shot.'

"Okay, haha, very funny, you guys. Now toss down the ladder."

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

'I'll be the back yard cutting firewood. Have you seen my protective goggles?. . .Well, luckily I kept my old hockey mask!'