Angelic Jesters Pillows

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

I knew those onion rings would be the end of me.

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

How Clowns Find Their Inner Peace.

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

Devil Puppeteer

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

Angel Puppet.

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder.

"Not the God I expected."

"You've been unfriended."

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

Madam Zelta foresees all.

"This personal lubricant has an expiration date of 2025 - just saying."

'Could we make this quick, I've had a rough day.'