Pious Joker Gifts

How To Saint . . .

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Eucharist

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

I thought we'd get fake tattoos of each other's names. If we're still together in 10 years, we'll get real ones.'

Jesus falling over a wave.

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

Bishop playing pool, "I like his unholier than thou attitude."

Grandad and grandson sticking out their tongues.

'This milk smells funny.'

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

Valentine Comix

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.