Match Day Humorists Gifts

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Beer Order

Tennis ball girl.

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'But Mum, I've got a match after school...'

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'I hate PowerPoint.'

The Rugby Throw Up.

'To begin with, he's from Mars, I'm from Venus...'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

Bride of Frankenstein charges her phone

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'The manager tol us not to let the other side see the ball and that's what I'm doing!'

'What do you want that for? You're already going nowhere fast.'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Great coaching is about knowing how to give and when to play feedback...

Bowled out.

'Look - if you're not going to watch the match, you might as well have stayed at home and gawped at yourself in the mirror!'

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

Who's playing - 'I'm not sure.' - 'What's the score?' - 'I don't know.' - 'What the...?' - 'Yeah, baby... slow motion replay' -

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

GOOOOAAAAAL!

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"At this point, we're only staying together for the sake of the pets."

Wedding pictures.

A typical Newcastle fan.